Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
