Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
