I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
