Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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