i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
