There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
