I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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