Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just saw a hot homeless man
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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