he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
