and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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