sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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