So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
