Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
