you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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