Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
