Its about making memories worth repressing
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
