I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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