she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
