Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
