An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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