If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He passed out mid-signature
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
