i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
