Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
