Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
