Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
