I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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