I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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