and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
