She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
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