I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
