Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
