dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I stole a fireplace last night.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
