I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
