I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
