then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
