Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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