She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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