I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
