upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
