Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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