You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
