I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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