I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
