I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I wanna passion pit in your ass
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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