His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Come back. Shots need mouths.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
