Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
