38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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