I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
