saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
