I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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