the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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