I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
