just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
