It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
porn star boner night. come get it.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
When did angry sex become our thing?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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