My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
